I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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