Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
