Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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