I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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