Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
