First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
