i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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