Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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