well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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