you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
