Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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