i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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