If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
is that a dick in a sweater?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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