question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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