In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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