she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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