I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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