Your dad touched me again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
