Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
