it wasn't lemon gatorade
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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