sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
