just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
