I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
