Can i not drive my cunt home
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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