A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
