one might say we're banned from that church
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
