U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i would punch a child for taco bell
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
