apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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