i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
