Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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