the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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