My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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