Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
