my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's never too late to be topless.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never underestimate the power of titties
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
