reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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