I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dick very happy bro
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