so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
