Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
