im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
