Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
