Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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