P.S. I can't hear my feet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
