That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
