I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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