There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
