Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize