You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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