Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i now understand why vodka
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The Olympian is in my bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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