I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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