Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
