Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
