A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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