Porn is love you can see.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
