Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
