god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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