I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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