I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
